Nursing home abuse

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  • Nursing home abuse

    If at all possible, never put a loved one in a nursing home, I'm sure by this statement alone you already have an idea of what is to follow.

    My mother, 90 is in a nursing home, she's been in one for 10 years now. She suffers from severe Alzheimer's. Early on she lived with us but at one point became combative and was going after our little girls aged 1 and 2 at the time. We had to make the tough decision and sacrifice mom. Mom is a rather strong woman, strong like bull one would say.

    Mom was at one home until 3 years ago when she fell and dislocated her hip, the hip was surgically repaired twice and she's been good since however she no longer walks.

    We had to move mom to a new home as home #1 didn't do rehab. Mom is close to both myself and sister and we visit often, usually one of us there everyday with the exception of vacations.
    Every so often mom would come down with a bruise, the home would always explain it away, "Moms arm dropped off the wheelchair arm as we entered a doorway" That type of thing, after the 3rd bruise in a 1 year period I decided to install a hidden camera in moms room, as it so happened it was 11/1120 and Covid shut down visitation to nursing homes until Easter Sunday when I went in.

    First thing I notice is the clock (camera was in the alarm clock) is unplugged and the battery was removed, I open the back and YES, the SD card is still inside. I go into work and when I get home @ 10PM Sunday, I pop the SD card in my laptop. Sure enough the first few sections are of us doing stuff in the house, next is me installing the camera in moms room and then of mom being tucked in the very same night.

    Everything is good, treated nicely by the staff etc. The camera is a motion detector so it turns off, next time it comes on is around midnight, the room is dark and mom is fast asleep. Female Aid comes in and tears the covers from my mom, mom happened to be holding onto the sheet and when it was pulled it was so violent that it pulled mom into an upright position.

    The aid proceeded to roll mom over like a side of beef, no regard for her advanced age, state of mind or physical health, tossing her from side to side in an effort to remove her soiled clothing.

    Mom didn't resist, and after the job was half done the aid hauled off and belted my mother, proceeded to continue rolling her around the bed before finally leaving.
    I was appalled to say the least, not knowing if this woman was even still employed there (almost 5 months had gone by) I waited until morning before calling the police, needless to say I didn't sleep at all.

    To the credit of our police force they arrived at the location, I allowed both responding officers to view the video from my cell phone, they called for a Sargent and detectives, all of who responded within minutes. They took turns watching this 13 minute clip and went inside the home, spoke with the staff and all denied knowing the aid.

    FF to the afternoon a new detective went back with the video, got all senior staff together, requested the names of all staff on duty that day and both early and late night shifts. The Det. points to the aid from another shift and says, why did you mistreat this woman. This aid says, "That's not me, that's the person that works before me." The arrest was made!

    The Det. had all senior staff sit and watch all 13 minutes, some cried and of course none had any real answers. Files are pending them getting the original copy from me, for now they are letting her sit in a cell. I'll deliver the SD car tomorrow just prior to the 48 hour limit. She's suspended for now and I'm sure will be fired after due process, her excuse...."I was having a bad day."

    Regret, guilt, anger, mixed emotion, you name it, I'm going though it. Lucky mom is ok on the outside, who knows how scared on the inside.

    More to follow.
    Last edited by LFBB; 04-06-2021, 04:30 PM.

  • #2
    WOW!! Just WOW!!! My Dad has Alzheimer’s and we were lucky to be able to keep him in his own home between my stepmom, my sister and myself along with a part time caregiver he was able to stay home until he passed. Luckily he didn’t really have any aggressive behavior.

    Man.... I would be livid as I’m sure you are! There’s a special place in Hell for those that abuse anyone that’s incapable of defending themselves! You can’t blame yourself! You trusted these people to do right by your Mom! Don’t beat yourself up! Be thankful you thought enough about it to install the camera! I’ll say a prayer for your Mom and your family!
    95 Stamas 32' CC twin 250 Mercs
    Seaford, De
    Curtis

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    • #3
      Man, I can imagine you are very upset. Thankful she is okay, and if she is as advanced as my grandmother was, fortunately, she doesn't remember the event. Still, inexcusable..

      I am going to pray that this situation is remedied in a way that you all find fair and just.
      As of April 2nd, boatless for the first time in many years.
      2019 Tidewater 252 CC Twin F150's- SOLD
      2016 Tidewater 230 CC VF250 SHO- SOLD
      Mobile, Al.
      Dauphin Island, Al.

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      • #4
        Man, that's insane. Hat's off to you for catching the scumbag.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Brad1 View Post
          Man, that's insane. Hat's off to you for catching the scumbag.
          I met with the director today, told him I want all admission applications, admissions greeting letters and all news letters to contain the wording. "We recommend loved ones of residence install an in room video camera of their own, it helps keep us honest and assures you that we are treating your loved one with appropriate care."

          He said I'll present the idea to the board of directors. He nearly shit when I told him this. It was a long conversation with many vailed threats from me, I'm trying my damnedest to leverage a possible lawsuit with them getting their act together.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by LFBB View Post
            I met with the director today, told him I want all admission applications, admissions greeting letters and all news letters to contain the wording. "We recommend loved ones of residence install an in room video camera of their own, it helps keep us honest and assures you that we are treating your loved one with appropriate care."
            Ouch.. That'll leave a mark...
            As of April 2nd, boatless for the first time in many years.
            2019 Tidewater 252 CC Twin F150's- SOLD
            2016 Tidewater 230 CC VF250 SHO- SOLD
            Mobile, Al.
            Dauphin Island, Al.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by KMac View Post

              Ouch.. That'll leave a mark...
              They cannot install their own due to privacy issues, that I can understand, but hell, encourage transparency.

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              • #8
                First, I feel for you, and your mom - this is criminal. You trust these people to take care of your loved ones, better care than you are capable of (given her state), and they not only betray your trust, but they put you in a position of feeling guilty. That aide should serve time.

                To add: please don't take this the wrong way, it doesn't apply to anyone's family but mine, and I'm kinda cold-hearted. I asked my daughter (RN, 29, trauma nurse) that if I got to a stage where I was out of it, she take me offshore "fishing", and come back without me. She promised she would. Fingers crossed.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by V_Thirteen View Post
                  First, I feel for you, and your mom - this is criminal. You trust these people to take care of your loved ones, better care than you are capable of (given her state), and they not only betray your trust, but they put you in a position of feeling guilty. That aide should serve time.

                  To add: please don't take this the wrong way, it doesn't apply to anyone's family but mine, and I'm kinda cold-hearted. I asked my daughter (RN, 29, trauma nurse) that if I got to a stage where I was out of it, she take me offshore "fishing", and come back without me. She promised she would. Fingers crossed.
                  To the lighter side of your point and in all seriousness, I have a friend that told me, when that day comes put him on his boat, a full tank of fuel and a case of whiskey, point him towards England and kiss him goodbye, if his wife will allow it....I'll do the honor. No way i want to be in my moms position.

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                  • #10
                    Sorry to hear about your mom. I dont think I could contain my anger and would probably be the one in jail.

                    My step father went into assisted living and later memory care. I will say, he liked it there and they treated him well. He couldn't remember who we were and told quite alot of tall tales but received good care and made quite a few friends (even a few girlfriends).

                    I was always afraid of those places but after our experience with one I may go and check in early.

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                    • #11
                      Very sorry my friend.

                      I had my Mom with me until this January 15th when she passed. Both Parkinson’s & Dementia
                      My Dad died FEB 2019 and his final wish to me was “son, please don’t put your mother in a nursing home.”
                      For 2&1/2 years I have taken care of both my parents until life’s end, and it almost killed me. I’m still trying to get regulated again.
                      I had never seen anyone die before yet I watched both my parents take their last breath.......very traumatic for me.

                      As V_Thirteen mentioned, I have similar instructions.
                      Thinking 34’ Fountain TE w/ trip 300’s
                      Or Possibly 33’ or 36’ Frontrunner
                      Got to get with Prop next week

                      Fairhope & Orange Beach, AL

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                      • #12
                        Sorry again for the thread jack, but...

                        The only "peaceful" death I've attended was my brother, age 44. Not traumatic at all, I left with a sense of peace, and renewed motivation to live every day, and be thankful for it.

                        On a much funnier note, a buddy of mine had a gay uncle, who got dementia and was put into a memory care facility. At some point, as his memory receded, he forgot he was gay, and started servicing several of the ladies in the home. Apparently enjoyed his stay completely. Friend thought it was pretty funny.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by V_Thirteen View Post
                          Sorry again for the thread jack, but...

                          The only "peaceful" death I've attended was my brother, age 44. Not traumatic at all, I left with a sense of peace, and renewed motivation to live every day, and be thankful for it.

                          On a much funnier note, a buddy of mine had a gay uncle, who got dementia and was put into a memory care facility. At some point, as his memory receded, he forgot he was gay, and started servicing several of the ladies in the home. Apparently enjoyed his stay completely. Friend thought it was pretty funny.
                          That's actually very interesting.

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                          • #14
                            This is awful, I hope the guilty parties are dealt with swiftly and in a manner commensurate with their actions and lack of judgement. You seem to be handling it much better than I would, and are exhibiting a great deal of restraint and patience. Hat tip to you Sir.
                            Alabaster, AL
                            Mobile, AL
                            2003 Pro Line 22 Bay, Yamaha SX200TXRC

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by V_Thirteen View Post
                              Sorry again for the thread jack, but...

                              The only "peaceful" death I've attended was my brother, age 44. Not traumatic at all, I left with a sense of peace, and renewed motivation to live every day, and be thankful for it.

                              On a much funnier note, a buddy of mine had a gay uncle, who got dementia and was put into a memory care facility. At some point, as his memory receded, he forgot he was gay, and started servicing several of the ladies in the home. Apparently enjoyed his stay completely. Friend thought it was pretty funny.
                              That’s funny kinda. It’s not my intent to hijack an otherwise delicate thread, rather to simply say that statement confirms my opinion on the lifestyle...
                              Alabaster, AL
                              Mobile, AL
                              2003 Pro Line 22 Bay, Yamaha SX200TXRC

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